- person: you're really cute
- me: are you making fun of me
- News in America: Cannibal eats man's face
- News in America: Man throws his own intestines at police
- News in America: Woman kills and eats 3 week old son
- News in Britain: Our butterfly population is still declining
- News in Canada: Man steals $30 million worth of maple syrup from the government
- News in Portugal: Cristiano Ronaldo is sad
- News in Australia: Another drop-bear attack
Other kids: getting abortions not coming home at night addicted to drugs
Parents: Dont do it again
Me: Gets amazing grades but forgets to wash the dishes
Parents: YOU WASTE OF SPACE YOU’RE TEARING THIS FAMILY APART YOU HORRIBLE CHILD
I mean seriously, why would I want men to see me as an equal when they should fear me instead?
do u ever go to school confident in what ur wearing and then u actually get there and ur kind of just like wow well this was an awful idea
- You: "Everybody shut up." *picks up phone* "Hey mum."
- Friend1: "HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
- Friend2: "come back to bed"
- Friend3: *various sex noises*
- Friend4: "tell her I said hi"
- Friend5: "Aye! Pass The Weed."
- Friend 6: *blasting out curse words*
- Friend 7: "PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON"
today I learned that if you want to slash someone’s tires, don’t slash all four; only slash three because if you slash all four their insurance will pay for it but if you only slash three they have to pay for it all out of pocket
the guy on the radio just said “gas prices aren’t so bad if you consider you’re really buying liquid explosive dinosaurs” and my perspective on life is forever changed